"If you let me play sports"

It's OK to throw like a girl [San Jose Mercury]

TORRANCE, Calif. - When the Bishop Montgomery High School quarterback went down with a fractured leg, his replacement stepped in and performed brilliantly, completing four of five passes for three touchdowns.

Nothing too unusual about that - except that the replacement quarterback was a girl.

Miranda McOsker, 15, is one of just 253 girls out of 100,000 high school students in California who are playing football this year, according to the California Interscholastic Foundation. She joined the private Catholic school's football program last spring.

"I didn't try out for quarterback, I was just looking to play anything," said the 5-foot-9, 140-pound sophomore. "One day I was throwing with the quarterback after practice and the coaches watched me. They told me to play quarterback the next day and ever since I've been playing quarterback."

I know what some of you are thinking, and no, I don't think the numbers of girls playing high school (or college, for that matter) football should necessarily be higher just to let girls play and break stereotypes and traditions. You and I both don't want to see a 300-pound O-lineman who spends her post-practice Saturday shopping for a prom dress and sports bras. I guess I'm more surprised that she came from a Catholic school than the actual feat, which is pretty amazing.

I hear the 49ers need a decent QB.

Haters

Apparently ESPNers think they have a sense of humor. First, they replay the Texas Massacre about five billion times. Then Classic is so short on programing they make us relive The Fifth Down Game. As if that weren't enough, Steve Lavin gets cheeky in a SportsNation chat:

Jon (Malvern): Coach Lav needs some suggestions on how to conserve his long answers!!!

Steve Lavin: Jon, your point is well taken. But you must know that my dad was an english teach, so I'm very deliberate in my revisions and making sure my grammar, tense, syntax and prose are all in order. Like turnovers in basketball, I try to avoid run ons and dangling participles at all costs. Couple this with the fact that I'm pre shot-clock and you get an idea about the pace and tempo I prefer to operate at. BUT hopefully, in striving for a better response, I deliver a thorough analysis for you hoop fans.

Jon: Your answers are fine. Just too long for The Show. Save the detailed info for the
writing assignments on the college basketball page. We only have maybe an hour with you and would like to get the most out of our time. Just pretend that you have 1.4 seconds left on the clock and you're down by 1. Just make the shot and move on.........by the way, stick with the gel.

Steve Lavin: Jon, 1.4 may be tough, but how bout 4.3 seconds? Can you say Tyus Edney vs. Missouri!!!

What's next? Re-airing the HBO interview with "Enique" Clemmons?

Amen

Everyone's favorite patriarchal sideline "Pa", Joe Paterno, tried to prove to ESPN.com's Joe Schad why he isn't too old to keep everyone in Happy Valley, well, happy for another season or two.

Question: "Do you find all the polls now confusing?"
Paterno: "You know, when we lost our Pope, that was the last great Pole I saw."

Sharp as a tac, I'd say.


Joe Pa and Me before he started contributing to my pay check.

Can someone PLEASE tell Corso to put the mascot costume down?

I've decided I want to marry a referee. Something about the rule-following and game break down that gets me. Today I realized that they walk a fine line in a garden of good and evil that's complete with hashmarks, obnoxious drunks, over-paid coaches and a 100,000-plus critics charting every move. They have to put a certain level of objectiveness on each game and weigh game decisions on whether they want to wake up to sore-loser graffiti on the side of their suburban homes. I dunno. Maybe it's the stripes.

A good college football Saturday is only complete with a cold beer (or in my case, a chilled glass of white wine) -- so what if it comes at 4 a.m. that morning...when I have to be at work in a mere five hours. While my former roommates popped open their first case of the day to prepare for Mizzou's home-opener tonight, I tried to stay awake and avoid vomiting on the office floor in front of my boss and several conference head honchos. My gameday routine is a little different: more actual football viewing, less beer bonging. Gone are the days of 12-hour tailgates, passing out in the shower during the post-game clean-up, pregame Harpo's Hurricanes and the notorious Shiloh Tent, a post-game hotspot for local celebs and such. Sad, I know.

I don't know if I would trade it. I didn't even drink that much - honestly - but the two-hour trek home was exhausting and the smokiness of the late night spot where we ended up made my eyeballs feel like they would gush blood if I left them open for too long. I'm getting old. I can feel it. Watching the sun come up doesn't have the same appeal. And back-to-back nights of drinking have become record-breaking feats.

As if it weren't bad enough, I'm headed out soon (I can handle the post-6-o'clock debauchery; it's the all-day benders I'm leaving to Strick-9 Classic) ...

To root for the Buckeyes, who now bear the brunt of supporting my paycheck since the Wolverines succumbed to Higher Powers and the Hawkeyes' Rose Bowl dream got popped in the Children of the Corn Showdown.

Ghost of a Good Thing

When I first moved to Chicago, this song kept ringing in my ears. I guess I just remembered the moving to Chicago part, but when I listened to it again, it made me think of inevitable change. I wasn't fighting my move by any means, but it was this natural thing I'd have to learn to understand. After the Katrina disaster, it will probably always remind me of New Orleans.

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break,
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.

Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan,
Got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home,
Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well.

Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home,
You don't know which way to go?
If you're goin' down South
They go no work to do,
If you don't know about Chicago.

Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

All last night sat on the levee and moaned,
Thinkin' about me baby and my happy home.
Going, going to Chicago... Going to Chicago...
Sorry but I can't take you...
Going down... going down now... going down....

There are so many ways you can help. And I know my PSA is a little late, but today I found a unique, fashionable (yes, T-shirts can be fashionable) way to offer your support at threadless.com.

Traitor Hata

Happier times

It's my prerogative to change my mind. And even though Sunday night's terrible 10th inning and a prime location for stalking, er, adoring my 1st baseball love are scintillating motivations, I won't* be declaring any Cubs allegiances.

But it's obvious my Chi-town transplant was meant to be. I mean, at least since The Professor returned to his MLB roots. It's a unique, albeit one-sided love affair we...uh...share. One that almost got me kicked out of someone's house (and I'm not talking about Willie's FHouse, either -- although it has spurned an argument or two there after Greg's topped the Cards with the Braves in 2003 mixed with an infamous $10 bottomless cup -- but I don't think I've ever been in danger of getting kicked out of a CoMo bar. You don't bite the hand that feed you, you know.)

Anyway, it's another one of my weird sports affections. When an announcer claimed Pete Sampras was the Greg Maddux of tennis during his trip to a 1990 US Open title, I thought, let's find out about this guy. Sure enough, the two are a great deal alike, from their on-field(court) control and precision to off-the-court charisma others mistake for boring. It's the anti-celebrity that I find most intriguing. And G-Mad's b-day is the day before mine (I dare you to ask me Pete's because I celebrate it every year...no! wait! really, I'm not that creepy. I mean, I don't think so...). The Sampras link kept me from getting the boot and missing out on a few glasses of great wine and new friends. Just don't call either one of them washed up in my house.

*If I'm drunk in the bleachers and G-Mad is pitching against the Braves ala August 22 (Greg Maddux 300 WinsWilson® A2000Limited Edition Baseball Glove night!) this statement is hereby invalid.

Shameless is my middle name

I resisted for so long. But I have to copy. Here's my version of the classic Me First "Funniest Sentences In My In-box."

1.) I just got back from 10 days in Miami, and let me tell you that did not suck.

2.) You're speaking to me right here. (You can't see it but I'm pointing to my heart right now.)

3.) I nearly wet my pants because your girl dumped a glass of wine on his fool head. Those were dry-clean only too but just the thought of you guys comparing "The Time I Dumped My Drink on That Poor Bastard" stories was worth it.

4.) Yes, you better start psycho dialing me. Its about damn time. i mean, cmon. i was expecting SOOO Many more drunk dials from you. A) cause its you, B) cause its your last semester, and C) cause its you. Work on that, would ya?

5.) I lied to just about every question they asked, including when they asked if I'd done the Missourian. Eh, it's an outlier.

6.) As for karaoke, the streak was broken because no one went. Everyone pooped out, even T-Bone.

7.) P.S. Yeah, that Ron Artest suspension was WAY harsh! My poor Pacers!!!!

8.) Hands down THE GREATEST goodbye note I have ever read. When you've got CP's in their forty-somethings thinking about the two of you in 3 inch-stilettos, well then you've got them off-balance. But you reel them in with Quin Snyder and St. Louis Cardinals references. You see, to a man, that's just not really fair. But what baffles them is the Nelly reference. I just passed three of them in the halls wondering aloud what dubs are.

9.) Midwestern freshmen groupies? I'll be out there in a week.

10.) I missed ALL of it because I prompted News for SIX HOURS. Apparently, they thought I was too ugly for TV so they stuck me in the freezer.

11.) Who, again, is Josh Kroenke?

12.) Please, if you could during your senior year, keep Brad Smith healthy and try to get quin fired.

13.) ESPN BBQ huh? Never heard of such a thing. However, as I'm sure you know, CT is famous for its BBQ. Texans fear us and our grills.

14.) We'll road trip. Actually I'd like to sleep in the back while you drive, which is different than a chauffer. I'm just not sure in what way, exactly.

15.) Norm is the greatest human off all time. I don't know what to ask exceptcpet for maybe how he heals the sick and gives sight tot he blind.

16.) Hello, if you've received this email, it is because you have the unfortunate circumstance of being my friend. Sorry.

A little out-dated? Darling, you are so observant. These are so old that I don't even remember who wrote what. I'll give a real update soon. I mean, Laguna Beach Season 2 is starting in like two days, so my life is in full effect again.